highm8nce.blogspot.com

Still HATE him

2011-04-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

Just a reminder that he is still GUILTY and STILL A JERK. K, thanks.

LOVE HIM

2010-09-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

If you haven't watched TOSH.O yet, you're a LOSER. This guy is fucking hilarious and has the worlds best job EVER.

Who wouldnt want to look at stupid people on the internet and comment on them? I do that all day, with no show! No guests, special effects or salary. CHEAP! I guess i run the non-profit version...POOR.O.

Anyways, watch the damn show.

IM BAAAAAAAAAACK BITCHES!

2010-09-09T14:23:00.001-07:00

Yeah, IM BACK! I took a sabbatical, but that shit was boring and HELLO, I have WAYYYYY too much to say. This is how I feel after working at my job all day....not pretty is it?

Personal Post

2009-07-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

So I have been in a bad mood for some time now. I hate everything. Reality TV is slow and its starting to effect my daily mood. I have nothing to look forward to. So here are the things that are pissing me off:

1. NO GOOD TV SHOWs

2. JOE JACKSON

3. This rat guy that I sit next to...his lunch box is the size of a large tackle box. I didnt know RATS came that bog, but this cheese eating muther f*cker is on my last nerve. Has he never heard of a BRUSH?

4. People who drag their feet....WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT? They cannot possibly weigh that much, no one, not even SHAQ has feet that heavy, that you would need to DRAG them back and forth all day.

5. CHEAP FUCKS, who buy shoes that are like $1.00 and THEY SQUEAK. WHY JESUS WHY? This guy and the foot dragger guy are going to make me go postal SOON. I hate hearing him come this way, I hate seeing him, and I hate his shoes.

6. STUPID PEOPLE...need I say more?

7. RECESSIONS

8. Cholos that wear long shorts and long socks...why not wear pants and call it a day?

9. Beyonce. She just bugs me.

10. Clint Eastwood. Everyone should retire some day.

11. Jon and Kate Plus MEDIA...I am over this stupid show and I still dont like Mady.

And now for the positives in life:

1. Xanax

2. The Little Couple

3. Cake Boss, Amazing Wedding Cakes, and Ace of Cakes...I am one step away froma ctually baking something

4. Run's House. I like normal families.

5. 16 and pregnant...wonderful show, I hope they have a reunion show or an update show, something.

6. ENTOURAGE

7. People on the train that I can make fun of, keep it coming.

8. BALLS THAT YOU CAN ATTACH TO YOUR CAR...I am going to put a pair on my grandpa's car this weekend.

9. My family

10. AVA V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeeze, how long...

2009-07-14T13:23:00.001-07:00

Is his 15 minutes of fame going to last? JEEZE JON, go take care of your kids and quit porking any blond 22 year old that crosses your bank, I mean path. Like for reals, I LOVE ED HARDY, how come I am not in Cannes kicking it with Christian Audigeir? Whats wrong with me, I don't smoke, nor do i have a mug shot, or 8 kids, or a wife with bad hair. I mean, ok, me and Christian can go get a spray tan together, (or is that real....). Sheesh, WHY HIM! And I LOVE GUCCI, but I don't wear it every day. Come on now.

Khloe and Kourtney

2009-07-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

SO, the premiere is a mere weeks away! I cant hardly stand it! I LOVE THEM. Last night when I was on the phone with Rob, we were talking about how proud we are of our sisters. Great job ladies, see you at the after party....

And Kourtney, next time you borrow my bathing suit, a little note would be fine...sheesh is that too much to ask?

DUNZO

2009-07-14T13:19:00.000-07:00

Wow, I never saw this coming. Why would grandpa Billy Joel and this little girl ever end a marriage. I mean, why jesus, why? They seemed to have a future together....maybe she didnt like that when they registered for their wedding, it was at their local AARP office. I dont know. Myabe he got tired of picking up her toys...

He and Christie need to not get married anymore, just do the dirty.

BEAUTIFUL

2009-07-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

Heidi Klum looks great no matter what she wears or how pregnant she is. I am excited for Project Runway to start. There is nothing like a little Heidi and Tim Gunn!

FAVE SHOW OF EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-07-14T13:13:00.000-07:00

So my boys are back!!!!!!!! The new season of Entourage started Sunday and I was NOT disappointed! I love, love, love this show!

So, Vince got his license, Turtle is in love with Jamie Lynn, and E is finally going to move out of the FRAT house. I love how he and Sloan have been playing with their relationship for the last few seasons. This is great.

And my favorite person of all time, Ari, back to make Lloyd's life miserable...and I love how he stood up to Ari to get his promotion. This season is going to ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vince is BACK!

TAINTED

2009-07-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

So nothing says YOU RUINED MY MAN, like a little Jennifer Aniston. She is the older version of Paris Hilton. Is there anyone this girl has not boinked? Now I dont like him. What us the appeal???????????

WHAT THE HECK???

2009-07-14T13:07:00.000-07:00

Uh, first of all, what was Wesley Snipes doing at MJ's memorial...MJ didn't hang around wife beaters, only little boys, HELLO.

And did anyone tell Wesley that his CRACK ADDICTION is obvious....JeeZe, I can smell the coke on him from here. EAT SOMETHING YOU FREAK. And make a Lifetime movie, if Lindsey Lohan can, anyone can.

FAME WHORE

2009-07-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

So I blame all this media crap on JOE JACKSON. He is nothing but a media whore. This man has no scruples (and I generally like people like that, so can you imagine how disgusted I TRULY am?)...he would sell his momma's bones for a buck.

I hope for the sake of the children, they keep this BITCH man away. Go earn your own money you worthless piece of SHIT. (Man, I normally don't get so upset, but just look at his pimp eyebrows...NOT NORMAL PEOPLE).

And I have to give my two cents about the "memorial"...could they NOT have found people that actually MET him, or at least VISITED with him within the last, oh, I don't know, 19 years (Brooke Shields, give me a break, this isn't Lipstick Jungle). I find that to be insulting to him. And yet, proves he was a recluse....I mean, I really loved how Jermaine sang "Smile"...that seemed heartfelt, but maybe he was sad over not riding on his coat tails. AND WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN...Oh wait, I almost forgot about AL SHARPTON...Uh, didn't he SLAM MJ a few years back, and now he is giving TESTIMONY at his EULOGY???? WHAT THE FUCK, what drugs am I NOT on????????

I think the only logical step would be for me to raise the kids....

DEAD

2009-06-29T14:53:00.000-07:00

OMG so, I know this is old news, but the King of Pop died....now there are all these stories just DYING to get talked about. LIKE:

1. What the FUCK was he on?????

2. Did he really only weigh 110 pounds....he was skinny

3. Was he bald?

4. Who is Blanket's biological mom?

5. Why did MJ choose a white mans sperm, since he is CLEARLY not the biological father and Debbie Rowe already confirmed that?

6. His mom said that his kids were never around other kids, why?

7. Whats in the will?

8. Why does the mom buy sleeping bags for the kids? That is cheap!

9. Why did the physican take off??????????????????

This is just the beginning of what will be some GOOD DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST MOVIE EVER

2009-06-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

The Hangover was THE BEST MOVIE EVER! I already saw it twice. And yes, I took some kids with me, a 9 year old and a 13 year old, and I don't feel bad about it either! They liked it.

Well, where do I start? This movie had everything...but most importantly, it had BRADLEY COPPER, who is now my new boyfriend. Sorry Beck's, things just werent going anywhere with us. Plus, its hard wth the long distance thing, and your wife was always copying my style, i don't like Identity Thefter's. (SWF). But PHIL was excellent, and I thought his character in Wedding Crashers was good!

Anyways, this movie was the best ever. I have to give two thumbs up to John Lucas and Scott Moore who wrote a phenomonal script. It was everything Vegas should be. Plus a tiger, a chicken, a baby named Carlos, and Mike Tyson!

For those of you that saw it, "You can suck on these chinese nuts"....instant classic. And Alan (Zach Galifianakis) was EXCELLENT! I loved his speech.

*sigh* I love Bradley Cooper

POSH

2009-06-11T16:52:00.000-07:00

I just love Posh, she is such a treat. Who says treat, oh I did. Well, that is because she is. A little snack of love.

Anwyays, I love her hair, lover her make up, love her skin, love HER.

EAT WOMAN

2009-06-11T16:44:00.000-07:00

Now, I am a big fan of Tori and Dean....I think Liam is a little hard on the yes, but Stella is a beauty. And everyone knows how much i hate that CUNT CANDY. But Tori, momma, you need to eat a little cookie or a cheerio. Jesus, I can see your liver through your body already. Just take a little bit of my King Taco burrito...its PURO CARNE con QUESO FRESCO. You will feel better the moment that red chili hits your tongue and you taste the great flavor of carne asada.....WHOA! Side tracked for a moment, my bad.

Anyways, Tori honey, you are lookin a little scary....and give Dean the coochie a little more often...he may try and find it somewhere else...HELLO HOW DO YOU THINK HE GOT YOU!

Dang, your boobers look like two oranges in a plastic bag, that is so gross, I just barfed in my mouth. Chips and Vitamin water and ding dongs are not good the second time around.

PREGGERS

2009-06-11T16:42:00.000-07:00

Awe, I like Kendra's new show, and I like her new (age appropriate) man. He looks like a nice guy. And she is 12 weeks along...well, I suggest a Nanny ASAP, because Kendra is a PIG. Looks like my daughters room, the little swine.

Regardless, having that baby just ensured her another couple of season, because everyone is going to want to see JUST HOW BIG HER BOOBIES ARE GONNA GET!

HATE HER ALERT!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

OMG, I am so SICK of KATE!!!! She is a stupid face, with stupid hair, and stupid twins (I'm talking about you Mady, you are an asshole). Anyways, I wish this bitch would lose her bad attitude, and get a real haircut. And why all of a sudden are you dressing all sexy, with bikinis and lipstick?????????? Hello, you are still D list celebrity, what the heck? And I think she is boning the body guard, because why else would you hire an old man? He doesn't look like he could run fast or push people around...but what do I know, my bodyguard is my dog, and he is afraid of everything and everyone. He is a gay man living in a dog's body, my poor precious sweetheart.

Back to Kate...this snatch, yes, I said SNATCH, needs to lay off the 1980's hair styles and get with the program....she is a sour puss....a total downer...I bet her and John haven't had sex in years, and even when they did, I am sure she told him he did it wrong. And OF COURSE I can judge you, you are on TLC.

Family Picture

2009-06-11T16:31:00.000-07:00

This is me and my family at the Dodger game. Thats me TAKING the picture. Aren't we cute? I love this picture of us...it hangs inmy cube and reminds me of the Dodger dogs Kris bought us, and that funny thing Khloe said...Oh, and did I mention I changed my name? Its now Karly...or was it Kellie...or Karina...

Photoshop alert!

2009-06-11T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dang, Cameron Diaz is tore up from the floor up! Yikes, Photoshop is the new Jesus.

DANG

2009-06-11T15:13:00.001-07:00

So even though the Cheetah girl and Rob (my brother) Kardashian broke up, she STILL got the Kardashian look going on...hello, little Kim...a ha ha ha not Lil' Kim...the rapper.

Still, I like the look. Boobs and Bangs, thats the look to have. I am going to copy it.

Ovah

2009-04-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

Its over. You know, I could have told her this would happen. HE is sooooo deep, no one is ever going to connect with him. He lives for being unreachable. Classic syndrome. No one will ever "get" him. He will suffer for his art. His performances are built on his suffering....he needs to feel the pain.

Or maybe that's just me.

What if him and Madonna get back together. THAT WOULD BE SOME GREAT SHIT!

Felicidades!

2009-04-29T10:19:00.000-07:00

Salma and Gucci got married again, and this time she wore a lovely dress. They look so happy. Man, if I was marrying Louie Vuitton, I would SHIT happiness. This is a nice picture of them. If I didnt like her so much I would hate her. But she looks truly happy, so I won't be a hater...TODAY.

And I read that at the reception (which I bet had great gift bags, come one Salma, throw a girl a LV bag), she changed into a fuschia dress....LOVE IT.

FABULOUS

2009-04-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

Padma is sooooo beautiful. I am going to photoshop my face onto her body. And then I am going to frame it and put it on my wall. So what if i am the only one that would believe it and see it, I am the only one that counts.

I mean, when I look in the mirror, this is the picture I see. So what if all my mirrors were bought at Disneyland, so what! I look the fairest of them all, just ask me.

Wow I got side tracked, sorry. Anyways, my girl Pads, looks GREAT! She is one hot cook (ie).

Nope its KIM KIM

2009-04-29T10:13:00.001-07:00

Hey that wasn't Beyonce, it was Kimmie. Looking all Sasha Fierce and shit. Ok, I WANT THAT WIG...you know i love me some fake hair...love, love, love it. But she looks way more striking as a brunette. Lovely, my sister from another mister.

I really think I was adopted. I know I was meant to be a Kardashian, hello, I have her big butt (maybe mine is lower, but we both have cellulite). I know my real dad was Robert Kardashian, or else why would I like Law and Order so much? It seems so logical. I am the older sister! Come on, Kris and I have so much in common. We parent the same way, except I don't charge 20%.

BEYONCE

2009-04-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

Someone is trying to be Beyonce....

OVER IT

2009-04-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Jeese, Jon and Kate plus Brats. Get a divorce already, this guy HATES his life. He is miserable. This isn't what he signed up for Kate, he already has a mother. Just get a divorce and move on. This is ridiculous.

Jon, you need some young ass...a vagina that has not fallen out. Get out there and get some young woo-hoo. And Kate, you need it up the butt with someone with a big weenie. Might I suggest Big Black from Rob & Big? He likes white girls and he seems funny. He likes kids. Maybe not all 8 at one time, but come on, there is obviously no chemistry with you two anymore.

Then TLC needs to have a new show JUST FOR JON showing how life is for a single father of 8. We can call it BABY MAMA DRAMA. Man, I am on a role here, with the show pitches. COME ONE EVERYONE!

Anyways, I will be buying this issue for research purposes only. ONLY.

MISS HER

2009-04-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

Kristin from Laguna Beach showed up to Speidi's union of beings. She looks so HOT. I was ALWAYS TEAM KRISTIN....Man, I have all seasons on DVD, because she was my fave. I can still hear her saying STEPHEN...

Where has she been? She needs her own show. Come on BRAVO, MTV, someone, give this girl a show! I have great ideas, Ill pitch one right now...right now, come on, what, are you scared?

She is SOOOOO much better looking than anyone on The Hills....

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

2009-04-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

So, SJP and Ferris are having twins...via a surrogate. That is Hollywood talk for I don't want to get fat, dahling. Twin girls. Interesting. I thought he was boneing someone else. He looks so dull. And boring. No wonder she used a surrogate, they probably dont do it anymore. Snoozeville. So non-Carrie. Carrie and Big LOVED to do it...all the time...they made make-up sex what it is today.

Awe... *tear* SATC is over...I miss Big.

OH GOD WHY

2009-04-29T09:12:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I know I said I would not talk about these freaks anymore, but I have some things to say.

1. WHY did they get married? If the gays cant get married, then certainly these two clowns SHOULDN'T get married....YUCK, I hate them.

2. Who has a reception and only serves appetizers? Uh, CHEAP D LISTERS! I bet MTV gave them so much to foot the bill and that dumb Heidi used it on collagen for her lips and her wedding dress. Because the rest of that "so-called" reception sucked.

3. Why did LC go? I mean, she said she wouldn't, I bet MTV gave her a bonus to go. I think she should have continued the boycott.

4. Ok, so Speidi picked bird shit yellow as their bridesmaid colors, and that skank JADE wore it to the wedding. BRODY, you can do so much better than this hooker. I mean, everyone has already seen her woo-hoo. Come on!

5. Season 6 of The Hills will be without LC. So, sorry folks, you just lost a loyal viewer. No way am I interested in watching 30 minutes of these two idiots every week. NO WAY JOSE. Through the power of TiVo (they still haven't thanked me for the plugs I give them), I can FF through anything that pertains to these two nit wits.

6. The boycott of any commentating on there two twats is officially BACK ON!

BAD PLASTIC SURGERY ALERT

2009-04-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

Holy baby Jesus in Bethlaham, WTF happened to Rupert Everette? And why does he looks like the chick from Splas, Daryl Hannah and Joan Rivers?????AND WHY DOES EVERYONE LOOK LIKE PATRICK SWAYZE circa Dirty Dancing? (Ok, maybe Ghost). God, he was handsome before and now he looks HORRIBLE, did he get a face transplant? Shit, instead of the boogeyman scary this generation, I am going to threaten my nieces with this guy....good lord, WHAT was he thinking????????

WTF?

2009-04-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with Cassie? Why would you do this? Unless she thinks she is the new Brit Brit, and having a mental breakdown because your husband is a WOMANIZER and your mom basically used you for money, there is no reason for such a stupid hair do. Really, I wont buy your CD or even try and steal it off NAPSTER (that is so not the program I use).

GUILTY

2009-04-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

This freak is GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY! Guilty of MURDER, BAD HAIR, and BAD TASTE. SEE YA! I hope he gets it in the butt. Take that PHIL SPECTOR (YOU FREAK).

FABULOUS

2009-04-20T13:40:00.000-07:00

Drew Barrymore looks GREAT! She is so pretty! Love her.

New Show Alert

2009-04-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!! The best of the sisters, and the ones I am BFF with, are getting thier own show...I am so excited! I really wish I was Lourtney and had Khloe as my sister...they have the best time...I am excited to see their own show that shows them opening a new DASH in Miami!

And side bar, last nights episode was great, but NEXT WEEKS, when they bust that little sissy SCOTT, man, I may have people OVER to watch that!

What the ?????????????

2009-04-20T13:29:00.000-07:00

How the HELL did she fall asleep in the sun? I would just die if my face looked like that...DIE! I wouldnt leave the house... poor dummy!

PERSONAL POST

2009-04-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

I just have a few things to get off my chest this morning:

1. I hate this guy next to me. he is a fucking nerd who is raising nerd kids. It is so sad. He says things like SON OF A GUN, and calls women GALS. I hate him. He is a pig who burps all day and I am so going to go postal and kick his little rat balls one day....I AM.

2. I hate Candy Spelling. She wrote a book (er, she paid someone to write a book) and she tells how she us selling her house since she doesn't have anyone that loves her....and how she doesn't see her grandchildren...and she doesn't know why...You know why you OLD BAT. Everyone that says they don't know, really knows. You are a psycho...and Tori has the good sense to not have her kids exposed to your shennaningans.

3. This guy next to me that I hate has a son that is in the band...and he says he is good for a sixth grader and could cut an album...Uh, no one wants to listen to kids play the theme from Titanic LOSER...

4. I am going to watch ER Finale and it better be good. And if I can pick up where I left off 6 seasons ago, then those writers suck.

5. I hate when people cough all fucking day. Take a cough drop, take some liquor or get the FUCK OUT...it is annoying and disgusting to hear flem (yes I know that it is spelled wrong) rattle around your throat all day, I don't work in a Convalescent Home you sick fuck.

6. I am running out of TV shows and getting paranoid...WTF people, work with me here.

7. I hate driving. I do. I need a chauffeur and a pimped out car to be driven around in. Its just a necessity.

8. This guy next to me is really pushing it...he just farted...I am calling it a day.

9. I hate Ryan Seacrest, the little pedophile. he is so hung up on Hannah Montana...she is on his show everyday, and I hardly EVER listen to that station...the sick bastard.

10. I hate this guy next to me, the smelly tuna eating cheese stick. God, he has a toothpick and everything, I bet he never showers. Just my luck! :(

Best Movie Ever

2009-04-02T10:53:00.000-07:00

LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was hilarious! I love Paul Rudd, he is so adorable as a nerd. I highly recommend this...and you know I have high expectations. :)

Later Homey

2009-04-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

Love you like a step brother, see you in one year and one day...then YOU can have whatever you like...

And that lady in front of you is scarrrryyyyyyy

The Hoff

2009-04-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

OMG this fat cowboy is still around? I wonder if he was drunk in this picture...I think he was...he looks a little tipsy and I think I smell some Wild Turkey on his breath....I know it.

FUGLY

2009-04-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

Oh god, some people should not wear bangs.

Happy Birthday

2009-04-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Dana Owens!

Losers

2009-04-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

I am so fucking sick of these two freaks. God, for the love of MERCY, please quit thinking that we care if you are sucking eachother or not. NO ONE CARES...not since the last episode of Meet the barkers have we cared.

You are a tramp and he is a dumbass. You two have officially been placed on the NEVER POST ABOUT THEM AGAIN list...now you and those other losers SPEIDI can spend eternity on the dumbbell list.

Really, keep your herpes to yourself. LOSERS

And Shana, grow your hair back, or put on some extensions, that is a shitty hair style. And maybe consider a breast lift....

WHY???????????

2009-04-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with this woman? I mean, I am all for saving the world, I am doing my part one TV show at a time, but this isn't about me. (who said that?) Why is she adopting all these 3rd world kids when there are plenty of fresh 1st world ones here in the States. I mean, I just don't get it. What about Lourdes, what is she teaching her? How to be a control freak biznatch? Poor little Lourdes. She needs a real mom that will let you cuss, watch TV, and eat bad foods. She needs me.

Anyways, I am so sick of her and Angelina and their quest for world domination. Keep this shit here, and save a damn life AQUI!

DIVORCE ALERT

2009-04-02T09:59:00.003-07:00

A HA HA HA KARMA IS A BICTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Cuntess will soon be COUNTLESS...He saw the light and dumped her ass for some Somalian woman. HELLLO, what did you think was going to happen you twat? He is on marriage #5, commitment isnt big on his list...and HELLO, he loved in another country, probably because you were so dumb. Who did you think he was sleeping with you TRANNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope he leaves you like the statue of liberty: alone and BROKE.

Except for Rosie, the lady is still raising your son, since you shipped your daughter off to boarding school....poor thing.

If you would have listened to me and worse some make up, got a stylist, and grew your hair out, he may have stayed until the kids were 18. And hello, arent you a dumbass for giving Bethanny DATING advice!!!!!!!!!! A HA HA HA

Kim

2009-04-02T09:59:00.001-07:00

Pictures of my sister and soon to be brother in law.

And the feud goes on...

2009-04-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, so, this weeks episode of NY Housewives was EXCELLENTE...I am talking like, Golden Globe Nominee good. I really really really HATE KELLY. That freak is on somethin, I know it. And I wish Bethanny would just punch her in her has been face. That stupid tramp really is DUMB on top of being an ignorant bitch. I personally would not have waited 30 minutes for her dried up vagina to show up...and I read in all the other blogs that she said she was late due to being a mom with 2 kids and how that it is so hard to get anywhere on time...Uh, bitch, I saw the episode and your pantiless/braless ass wasnt worried about no kids...you didnt even mention those kids when you were stuffing your tongue down your young meat dates mouth. PUTA!

And the CUNTESS, JJJJJJJEEEEEZZZZZE, I hate you alot but now I hate Kelly more and that is like a miracle. Maybe there is a Jesus....MAYBE.

And what is the deal with Ramona's wanna be tennis pro husband? Jeeze, Jill doesnt want to play with you, it isnt the Grand Slam or anything...oh grand slam, that reminds me of Dennys...sorry, side tracked...Ok, so what does this Pete Sampras wanna be thinking, get a friend, get a life...get some Botox from Ramona's head. I want Botox. I am sure I am just jealous of everyone, and just envious...wait I saw the Cuntess again NO WAY NOT JEALOUS!!!!!! That OGAR!

AWE!

2009-04-02T09:49:00.000-07:00

Look, its old Jenny from the Block...without Skelator. I really miss when we would hang out at Puff's house...or when Ben bought us the Bentley and I would pump gas for her...or back in the day when She was a Fly Girl...Come Back JLO, leave that ugly El Cantante

WHAT Happened?

2009-04-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

Damn, why does Daryl Hannah look like Patrick Swayze circa GHOST? WHo did this to her? Her, Joan Rivers and Mickey Rourke are all goimg to the same plastic surgeon and HE SUCKS...this bitch is scary.

New Ad

2009-04-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Doesnt Brit look fab? I think they sell Candies at KOHLS...not my store, but I will certainly buy something to support the BRIT cause!

PERSONAL POST

2009-03-25T14:27:00.004-07:00

OMG I am so TIRED. Maybe because this is how I sleep...

PER

2009-03-25T14:27:00.001-07:00

Just Because This is Funny

2009-03-25T14:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is a personal post...

My dog is a baby. By baby I mean, I literally treat my dog as a human baby. Toddler to be exact. He is three, going through that terrible two's stage, but he is a little slow, so he barely got to the terrible two stage.

Anyways, the dogs next door are all horney mutts. My dog pees on them on a daily basis. He may grow up to be R. Kelley. Yesterday I saw two of the dogs humping. Now my dog is curious about doggy sex. And my life partner thinks he should get laid.

UH HELLO, PIMP, he is just a baby! Come on guy, he cant do those things yet. This morning I sat down Jack, my son, and told him all about the birds and the bees, and STD's, teenage pregnancy, the whole talk. All about how bitches (literally) will just come and go and he should save himself the pain of a broken heart by only loving one woman in his life for eternity, ME.

He totally agreed with me. And now his UNCLE is acting like a PIMP and sending him doggy porn...help me America, what should I do?

They are back together

2009-03-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

So I partied with these two. I KNOW THEM...they are super COOL! They are back together, no joke...I swear. WOULD I LIE?

New Show Alert

2009-03-25T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yay Audrina is getting her own show. Now Vic can watch her boobies on a regularly scheduled basis. :)

It ISNT complicated - YOU SUCK

2009-03-25T10:12:00.001-07:00

Later hooker. Eat something, get new implants, cut down on the Botox and call it a day, you have been CUT! YOU'RE OUT!!!!!!! Hasta la vista SKANK!

BUSTED

2009-03-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

Oh this hooker did it. She did it and GOT CAUGHT! NASTY GIRL. This is going to get GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What I love best, a celbrity divorce coming soon...a deaux...you know that guys wife is gonna dump him too...YIPPEE

For the love of Baby Jesus, EAT!

2009-03-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

WTF is wrong with these people? Would it kill her to eat something? Damn, I am hungry for her...hey hey, easy with those comments...I know, I like to eat and use it as an excuse....but then I look at this bobble head and say NO TO EATING DISORDERS. Eat and then watch BIGGEST LOSER so you feel thinner than everyone.

SCARRRRRED

2009-03-25T10:08:00.000-07:00

This is the ugliest cat I have ever seen....gross.

Who Cares

2009-03-25T10:06:00.001-07:00

I don't care if Dora the Explorer grows up. She doesn't look like a hooker like those Bratz Dolls. Whats the big deal...sheeze, kids do grow up, this is an excellent marketing idea.

OMG why am i even commenting on this...this isn't even a celebrity thing...LOSER ALERT TO ME!

HATE HATE HATE ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-25T09:49:00.000-07:00

OMG, Housewives of NYC brings me such joy. I love it. FIRST off, I hate the Cuntess. This old ugly has been is just on my last nerve. WHY does she double kiss everyone. That is so fake, she isn't FRENCH OR A COUNTESS. She is so demeaning and condescending. I hate her. And she has boring taste and IS married to an old man with hairy ears. I thought, wow, she is a cunt and this cant get any better.

Until last night. When that NOBODY who is less that that wanna be LuAnne (yeah I wouldn't call you anything De Le Seppes or whatever your stupid name is, I don't care if your 5 times married husbands family gave us the fucking Statue of Liberty, I bet she had herpes when you gave her to us) KELLY became my new favorite person to hate.

I have to give props to my TiVo for allowing me to pause and vent every 3 minutes about how UGLY and STUPID she is. So thanks TiVo, you are the best invention of the 21st century!

Anyways, what is wrong with her face. Not just that she is ugly, but what is she doing to her face? It looks like when i went to Mexico and fell asleep in the sun and then my face peeled and for weeks I was like three shades of brown and no amount of foundation could balance me. She makes the most HIDEOUS faces, and has some BOTOX side effects that are obvious.

And who told her that her NAME is so great, I don't even remember her last name...SHIT for the first three or four episodes I only remembered her as the NEWBIE. So I don't get how she thinks she is so great. And how about when she said I don't do Charity Work! Classic loser! I mean, jeeze, so you don't do it, just don't SAY it on TV you dumb ass. And you say you are a private person, uh, do you even know you signed a contract and are on BRAVO TV? Do you think those cameras want to follow you around, they are being paid, stupid.

For 60 minutes, I enjoyed myself like no ones business. Well, it took me 1 hour and 40 minutes to watch the whole show because I kept pausing and ranting to Jack or Vic, neither of which cared, about the nerve of this girl.

And GO BETHANNY for telling her she doesn't care about poor Allie's arthritis. My grandma has arthritis, you bitch, have some compassion. And you don't call a diseased kid cute...UH DUMMY! She needs to stick with beating up her dumb boyfriend.

Anyways, I think Alex and Simon need to do some investing into BAGGAGE removal from under his eyes. The man is so disgusting. And she has saggy boobs.

My only happiness is the faces Bethanny makes and Jill. LOVE HER. And I am starting to like Ramona, because she straight up told Simon she doesn't like him. And she doesn't need to be his friend either!

Cute...but weird

2009-03-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Nikki is preggers (we use to kick it but Joel is weird, so I had to cut this friendship)...and she looks cute but weird. Like that fake stomach looks like she ate a grape....or is it just me? Hmmmm, let me look again...nope she looks weird. She needs some cookies, a sluprr, a Slim Jim, some nachos with jalepenos, licorice, cream puffs, some hot wings and some fries. She needs me.

WTF are these freaks talking about?

2009-03-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

SOOOOOOOO, what the HIZZAZLE are these crack heads talking about???? This is what I came up with:

1. Kathy: Rosie, is step one in becoming a big lez not wearing make up? Because I got that down pat and I didn't put on my fake extensions or blow out my hair.

2. Rosie: Oh Kathy, you are so funny, no, I don't shave my legs or my wild fern bush, Kellie doesn't like me all girly, even though I try so hard. You just have to buy some clogs and wear clam diggers. Come on, I am a fashion Icon.

3. Gloria: WHO THE FUCK SAT ME WITH THESE FREAKS????????? I thought I was going to a fortune tellers conference...isn't this where you register for Gypsy 101? OMG, is that TMZ photographing me?

3. Kathy: Of course its Adnan, you know how I hung out with him during last season...duh

4. Rosie: Oh Gloria, just because you fled Cuba doesn't mean you support the troops, don't even get me started sister, I will Slap you like I slapped Elisabeth Hasselfuck and that old bag Barbara WAA WAA

5. Gloria: OMG Rosie, I am CUBAN, and that trumps a lesbian, so step back before I do the CONGA on your ass, with my bad back and all...the rythm is gonna get you....its cuts both ways...

LOVE HER

2009-03-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

So, my other BFF Ferg (yes, when we hang out I call her Stacy cuz we roll like that), took my advice and went brunette. LOVE IT. LOVE HER. LOVE HER.

CRAZY LADY ATTORNEY Alert

2009-03-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I HATE the OCTOMOM. I do. I think this chick is fucking LOONEY TUNES, and no amount of Lithium or counseling can bring her back. She screams delusional! She is just insane in the membrane.

Anyhoo, I don't like the Gloria Allred media whore even MORE. It almost PAINS me when I have to slam attorneys, since I think my 10+ years of Law and Order training makes me a honorary attorney, but I have to. This lady is trying to frame the octomom. Um GLORIA, we already know the girl is stupid....we have established this. But many, MANY, MANY, stupid people have kids and lots of them. HELLO, why do you think they have the WELFARE SYSTEM. You cant punish someone for being STUPID....there would be no one left in the world except me and Dr. Drew and we are already busy. The correct thing to do is talk shit about them. Come one, where are your manners. And GET A NEW HAIRSTYLE.

SKANK Alert

2009-03-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG? What the fuck is wrong with this girl? She is such a stank ho! No one wants to see her man size vagina. I can smell it from here. This is sick...children should be warned! Expectant mothers shouldn't look! Its just WRONG! She has a GRAND CANYON sized HOO HAA. Ugh, what is ever more GROSS is that her sick ass thong wearing balding DAD was in the audience. Jeeze, DR. DREW please help!

I think I am going to start my own Intervention program...it wont be for drugs or alcohol (exclusively) but for other things like: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??????????????

Its a Girl!

2009-03-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

Nikki Taylor (my fave model when I was 15) had a baby girl. I am happy for her. Yes, I said I WAS HAPPY FOR HER. I know I am usually bitter, cold and mean, but I do have feelings...they don't call me Tin Lizzy for nothing....well I get called lots of things, but I am only addressing this one...a la Wizard of Oz.

SHAM

2009-03-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

This hag is getting free 24 hour child care. And her daddy bought her a house. This is bullshit! I hope Child Services doesnt allow her to take them home. This is so stupid, this whore is crackers. And who is ever going to date her? A loser gold digging man whore. Poor KIDS! LETS SAVE THE KIDS!

DANG!

2009-03-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Jeeze Matt Damon, grow some hair. Buy some...get donor hair from your boyfriend George Clooney. Do something. I can recommend a fabulous fake hair place in Pomona...Ill go with you. It will be a girls day, bring Ben.

GET WELL SOON

2009-03-10T08:58:00.001-07:00

I love Mariska Hartigay. I love her, I love her. I miss Olivia Benson when she isnt on Law and Order SVU...Elliot isnt the same. Get well soon...take care of your lungs and all other internal organs. We love you. (By we I mean Jack and I).

Holy Holly Batman!

2009-03-10T08:51:00.001-07:00

Holly and her magic freak pedophile Criss Angel broke up...awe Holly, I know you are homeless, without a job, and your friends ditched you. Its ok...you can be on Dancing with The Stars. And ok, you didn't do that good...Ill chalk it up to you only had a few days...and because you are probably still scared from seeing Hef's peepee. Its ok. You will be just fine. Just move it and shake it....like you did for the Hefster....COME ON HOLLY DON'T LET US DOWN!

GOD NO!

2009-03-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

Ok, I was excited for a Melrose Place remake, until that 7th Heaven hag, Ashley Simpson, joined the cast as the new Syndey. NO WAY JOSE!!!!!!!!! I hate the Simpsons (and not the cartoons, love Bart), but Ashley and her hag sister Jessica. Man, she is too fat, she hasn't lost the weight and her husband is gay I know it. I know it! No, they just ruined this show. Stupid executives.

BRIT BRIT

2009-03-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Britneys back! Britneys back! YAY!!!! YIPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Thats all I have to say. Love you Brit!

SLAMMER CITY

2009-03-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

OH No! Don't you just hate it when you get caught with crack at the airport? Man, that just ruins your whole day. Poor COOLIO, who tried to change his crackhead image on Coolio's Rules (which I liked, 2 thumbs up) got busted. Ain't that a BITCH. Do you think the crack was in his braids? Do you think he sang Fantastic Voyage as he was being placed in the cop car. I do. I can hear him now, "Slippity slide..." All the way to the big house. I wonder if Artesia bailed him out? If it were my daddy in the slammer and he had bought me that Camry all ghetto, I would leave him there and teach his crack ass a lesson...but that's just me.

HATE HIM

2009-03-04T14:54:00.000-08:00

I hate him. I will never watch The BITCHELOR again. I hate him. I hate roses, I hate the host. I hate him.

I wish ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION on him.

PERSONAL POST

2009-02-26T15:41:00.000-08:00

GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And I use this reference for all you LENT'ers out there)...I had a bad day at work yesterday. On the way home, as if riding the subway isn't enough punishment, I had to see some bum's dick...yes I said BUM and DICK. Some old, dirty, no teeth, smelly, BUM dropped his pants in front of me and I saw his ding-a-ling...DOUBLE SHOT OF GROSS...It was OLD, and it was on a BUM!

I know, I know, I shouldn't make fun of those less fortunate...wait, that is what I do all the time, what am I saying? Have I just met myself? Maybe it was Lent in the air....NO WAY. FUCK BUMS THAT DON'T WEAR UNDERPANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In addition to that, prior to my BLINDING experience...someone at my work went postal. This lady (who has a beard, sorry, I KNOW, I SAID I WAS MEAN) and I mean BEARD, tried to kick some guys ASS ...It was great! Then she went back to her desk, talking to herself along the way! Why cant that happen when I am around? This shit only happens when I am away from my desk...anyways, I open this post to people who have been visually assaulted by a bum, or by anyone that hates the people they work with.

Oh, and some JACKASS MUTHA FUCKER who works geographically too close to me, refuses to use the handset on his phone. This MORON talks all day on speakerphone. I know he is a cheap ass that buys his appliances for his rentals at used appliance stores, grows his own tomatoes, and wont let his kids play video games or watch TV, or use the Internet. WTF???? And that is just what I can hear through my headphones....He looks like a rat too...he has little rat teeth and I know the fucker eats cheese at his desk. I hate him...Plus he is a cheapskate. Which I hate more than anything....I hope he gets hemorrhoids.

Poor Fella

2009-02-26T15:29:00.001-08:00

Poor Mickey Rourke didn't win the Oscar...he was my fave. I like how he owed everything to his dog. Only special people understand the true love you can have for your life partner with four legs. I mean, I LOVE MY DOG, maybe even IN love with my dog...come on, he doesn't care how much weight I gain, how bad my breath smells or what I look like in the morning. He just loves me and he never answers back or comments on anything. He goes with the flow and even greets me with one of his toys. He likes the same foods as I do, and never runs out of kisses...

Now, I can see how Mickey's dogs would appreciate him. He is scary to look at, had several addictions and no life. A DOGS DREAM...Jeeze, he is scary hairy. The plastic surgeon that did his face should have his balls remove...now maybe you ask, how do you know it was a male plastic surgeon...I know because no woman would think this is attractive...HELLO!

New Show Alert

2009-02-16T14:39:00.000-08:00

I watched all 3 episodes back to back of JOCKEYS on Animal Planet Friday. This is a fucking great show. Now, I am jealous, considering that I could never keep up the weight requirement like these folks...I mean, really, I cannot imagine never enjoying a great meal! Man, being a jockey is hard work. Plus, they are all in the Jockey room, so when they fight they still have to see each other...The one jockey with the wife and daughter who wanted to move back east, man, she is a BIATCH...talk about killing the guys dreams, man, she better take her ugly ass back home. Who do you think payed for that house? Anyways, great show, 2 thumbs up!

HERPES ALERT

2009-02-16T14:29:00.000-08:00

OMG, call Sav-ons, the Valtrex will soon be flying off the shelves. These two idiots are doing the deed and i can see the diseases flying now. GROSS!! No more posts on these two sick asses, I may catch something just typing their names.

COCAINE ALERT

2009-02-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

This bitch is on something, and judging from my years of professional training (watching Intervention), I think its cocaine. She is so fucking skinny and I know that she already BUMPED IT BEFORE, when she told Vogue about her "habit".

Anyways, the lesbians of the world better throw this bitch a cracker.

Felicidades (en France)!

2009-02-16T14:23:00.000-08:00

Salma married French Rich Dude (a la Gucci and Louis Vitton) on Valentines Day. WELL DONE SALMA, you are officially a rich bitch! I love how they downplayed the whole broken engagement thing and then went and hot married...EXCELLENTE! Tres bien!

Well, I hope they are a happy pair. Even if she feeds everyone with her boobies, more power to her. And her baby has a lovely name...Valentina Paloma. Love her, love the baby, love the daddy!

FUGLY ALERT!

2009-02-16T14:19:00.000-08:00

OMG these are the ugliest people (sans J-Ho) I have ever seen...what happened? Dang Skeletor's genes are so STRONG! Those kids looks like aliens. UGLY ... and so is J-Ho's outfit. Is she PREGGERS again...please stop doing it, ugly people are created and we have to look at them, its just unfair. Its bad enough their dad looks like the living dead, but man, that ugly cant be scrubbed off. The look like the midgets from Wizard of Oz....the Lollipop Kids.

Precious!

2009-02-16T14:18:00.001-08:00

Look at my BFF...going to fashion week to buy me an outfit. She is so fierce. LOVE HER

FAT STUFF

2009-02-16T14:13:00.000-08:00

DANG GINA, she is getting big! Pretty soon we can share clothes. Why would she wear that outfit? Her boobies are trying to escape...they don't that Tony Homo handling them...he didn't make it to Super Bowl! What is he suppose to throw a football through her earring? Man, I wore a dress like that back in 88 when I was preggers.

Her hair is dumb, her look is dumb and hello, if I was having a fat issue in public I sure as hell wouldn't get photographed going to feed, er , I mean eat. Dumb girl. OINK OINK

Dang what happened?

2009-02-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

So Chris Brown ALLEGEDLY beat Rhianna...ALLEGEDLY. Now, I don't condone violence of any kind, unless someone really deserves it. Sometimes a good slap in the face to someone who is an idiot is well deserved...or for anyone that works at cellular stores, fast food places or the DMV. But I feel real bad this kid got out of control. Man, he needs some counseling. And I hope Rhianna doesn't get back together with him. She needs a mom that would take care of this....like me.

My CRAZY other friend

2009-01-30T13:34:00.000-08:00

So my OTHER friend (and other only reader) sent my this picture and said this is what she would look like if she were a chola...no way jose, I had to find a REAL homie picture...

MY HOMIE

2009-01-30T10:55:00.000-08:00

So, this is what MY HOMIE looks like

CHOLAS

2009-01-30T10:50:00.002-08:00

I never grew up with any cholas, but a dedictaed reader said I would look like this...and my friend Christina would look like this other chick...what do you think????

PERSONAL POST

2009-01-29T08:42:00.000-08:00

OMG, there is a fucking pest here at my work, that has been driving me crazy for a week straight. This asshole has no brains....he is a lazy fuck who just annoys people for 8 hours per day. If this asshole asks me ONE MORE TIME for information I have provided him with FOR A MONTH, I have no other choice bu to harm him in some way. May be a computer virus, could be some ants in his desk (since he brings his pig food in everyday).

You know, I need my job to allow me luxuries like TiVo (who STILL hasnt paid me for all the greatness I talk about them ), so I cant call out who he is. But he is the most ANNOYING fruit fly I have to deal with lately. AND, why does he feel the need to talk on SPEAKER PHONE! Everyone knows that it is just BAD MANNERS and no one cares about his dumb conversations. AND AND AND, if you call someone and they dont answer, dont call them 2 minutes later, and then 2 minutes after that. OBVIOUSLY they will call you back when they can dumbass.

Man, I had to say this, because I know other people will have similar issues, so please comment your war stories so we can be miserable haters together.

AND, I knew this day was starting off bad because HASSELF*CK's preganancy was the first thing I read on the web. Might as well talk about Celine Dion and Catherine Zeta-Jones and call it a fucking day.

NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

2009-01-29T08:37:00.000-08:00

WHAT????????? NO JESUS, NO! I have to stop this shit RIGHT NOW! I am NOT going to just accept these spawners any longer, ruining my earth with Hasself*cks. NO!

WHY do they keep humping? Man now I have to listed to her moan for 7 months about the spawn of satan she is carrying...NO WAY JOSE. Now I have more responisbility than before...I use to watch to see if I could be lucky enough to see Babs die on TV...then, to make sure that Hasself*ck didnt piss me off and say anything stupid that would make me have to BLOG about her (which is why I have to watch it daily). NOW, I have to hope and pray she gets as big as a house...so now I have to monitor that.

WHO IS THIS??

2009-01-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, a dedicated reader, who I sleep with, *wink wink* sent me this horrible picture and said, "Who do you think this looks like???" So I wont say WHO HE THINKS, I will let everyone post comments on who they think it is! I cant wait to ready everyones responses.

HATE HER

2009-01-27T11:16:00.000-08:00

Olivia is such a hater...now being a professional hater myself, I recognize all the signs. Like, WHITNEY, don't talk to her anymore....she acts like she is SO MATURE and grown up, it all a SHAM. No one wants to date this monkey social! Hello, even her leech of a roomie doesn't want to hang with her...Quit talking to her Whitney, please! And she is so JEALOUS of that loser Jay...it is so obvious she wants a boy toy with an accent.....

Oh man, I mean, I hate her and yet I wish I could be a bitch like her....wait let me clarify that, a RICH BITCH like her.....

BROMANCE

2009-01-27T10:36:00.000-08:00

So its down to the final three...I think Luke will win. He is the most normal. But I like Little Chris...so long as it isnt FEMI. He is too much drama.

So I have a very dedicated reader that LOVES this show and truly wishes he was Brody. Or maybe he wishes for a BJ, either way, he would love to be on that show. If I had two wishes I would wish one on him...THAT HE WAS FRANKIE!!!!!!!! A HA HA HA ...Just kidding, I would give him one of my wishes ...so he could be Brody.

This ended up being a really GREAT show. I love all the challenges that made the guys do, fabulous! Two thumbs up....

Replaced!

2009-01-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

Whitney is the new Audrina...you know, and Jay is the new Bobby Justin/Justin Bobby. We will miss her...

SLY

2009-01-26T16:14:00.000-08:00

OMG, has the Human Growth Hormone he is taking done NOTHING for his brain! He looks like a freak...this is so disgusting...I think this calls for a special episode of Intervention....because he is not REALLY Rocky...Dr. Drew, the list for you is getting LONGER and LONGER...what is this man thinking??????????????

His veins are SCREAMING for a new body...one that is REALLY 25 and not 65.

LOVE HER

2009-01-26T15:56:00.001-08:00

I think this is a great shot of Ellen...she looks fabulous! But I love Ellen no matter what she wears...she is great!

FAT MESS

2009-01-26T15:50:00.000-08:00

Oh wow, Jessica Simpson looks FAT...like she has been eating a few too many orders of nachos. And if anyone needs a stylist, and an eating disorder (hello RACHEL ZOE) it this this hot mess. Her ass looks so big, she could be a Latina...

Well, I don't know what mirror she looks into before she leaves, but clearly, it is LYING to her...she does not look good and NO ONE should ever wear high waisted pants. Ever. EVER. And if she does, she should not wear it to a performance where people like me can make fun of her. I bet she eats a lot of tortillas... and she has camel toe...GROSS

LOVE HER

2009-01-22T16:08:00.001-08:00

This is also how I think I will look with short hair.

Hate THEM

2009-01-22T16:07:00.000-08:00

HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!

I am so disgusted with them, I cant speak. Its a first

TWO HERPES

2009-01-22T16:05:00.002-08:00

So appropriate that they are friends, SO APPROPRIATE...Denise, hang up your panties, you look OLD.

I think she is possessed...because I cant think of any other reason to hang around that idiot Paris.