Still in love with you...two.

Awe...nothing gets to me more than an Inauguration...and a great SONG!  And a man dancing with his wife, who happen to be THE couple...very endearing.  I have nothing bad to say...except Pierce Morgan doesn't like the bangs...uh Pierce, I don't like your teeth...so shut it.

I wonder how long it took her to get ready and if her man was pissed that it was taking TOO long...bangs are hard to control.  You need wax, a flat iron, shine spray, hair spray, special hair tools, a mirror, need I go on??? Maybe Reza's 'stache will tweet Michelle's bangs??? I see a future here.

BARF

omg if i have to read, see or hear ONE MORE THING about these two and their miracle, i will die.  I will just DIE.  Big whoop, you had a gestational carrier...so did Adrianne Maloof....just ask Bravo, or Brandie!  Seriously, I don't care about them!  STOP making me!!!! STOP THEIR TV SHOW...just STOP.  Im so over them sharing EVERYTHING!  Do a Jodie Foster and get some privacy....

Kate Gosselin

STILL HATE HER.

ABC's The Batchlorette

Who cares, I hate this show and all that watch it.

Hmmm...I hear a cocaine problem...

Ever work with someone who clearly has a cocaine problem?  ITS ANNOYING!  Sniff sniff all day while you try and impress people with your useless knowledge on all things that no one cares about?  Hey I was young once too, but I keep my addictions private like a good upstanding person.

Its pretty sad when you sit through a meeting that's 2 1/2 hours long...its even sadder when you are suppose to take meeting minutes but you forgot that it was your job about 7 minutes in and now on your legal pad you just have ELIZABETH BECKHAM written in fake cursive that you wold never use.  But it is TRES sadder to sit through that same meeting and count how many times homeboy has sniffed, and no he does NOT have allergies.  How do I know, because like a good person, State Farm is there, in that, I offered him a Zyrtec and he asked why?

BEST THING IN THE WORLD

WTF is better than Bravo?  Every show worth talking about is on channel 129 (Dish Network customers), and that shit runs all day at my house.  In a dream world my work would consist of me watching it 24 hours a day, but I got 99 problems and Bravo won't hire me.

Sometimes in life things just go right and it clicks...sometimes I have good hair days, sometimes i insult people and don't even have to try, and sometimes life gives you an Orgasm...in the form of BRAVO TV.

I have to say that I love me some Andy Cohen...if you ever read this, just know that I have been your #1 fan for years.  Everything about TV you love, i love.  When i read your book, it was like, HELLO, I speak Andy Cohen and never knew it.  Who didn't watch Battle of the Network Stars (although i had to sneak watch it because my mom was mean)?  Losers, that's who.  Anyways, Andy, please let me go to the clubhouse...I want to play Plead the Fifth, and I have no problem playing the part of the bartender, i pour wine really well!  Not Ramona well, but close enough.

I cant tell you how much HOUSEWIVES OF Every Major City has changed my life.  Before I was all Detective Olivia Benson (a la LA Law SVU).  But enter Bravo TV, and I can be ANYONE!  You captured my multi-personality disorder in so many shows.  Plus you have a great theme song right now, "Oh la la..."

Yes, Mob Wives gave you a run for your money, but my infidelity meant nothing.

People read the book, you wont be sorry.

I"M BACK BITCHES

Yes, you heard me I am back.  Just because I haven't blogged in a year, doesn't mean I haven't had a thought or two about EVERYTHING.  Hmmm...what, do you think I am one to just forget Reality TV, David Beckham, my hate for Elisabeth Hasselfuck and that hag of an old vagina Barbara Walters????? We will address that in another post.

So I took a little sabbatical (thanks Leno!) from posting...I don't know why, maybe it was taking time away from my blog READING, but either way, I am back.

I would just like to insert a WARNING now before we go on...I LOVE ME SOME REALITY TV...I love celebrity everything....I love celebrities on reality TV, almost more than I love bacon!  It's just who I am...In my mind there is a constant talk show going on...mostly I am my only guest, and sometimes I wear wigs, but I am getting off track here. 

If you don't like reality TV, then this is not the blog for you.  Just leave now, before you piss me off, and I talk shit about you here.  I hate when people talk crap about reality TV...if you don't like it, don't watch it!  But quit hating on it in front of me!  I listen to you talk about your stupid dog/kid/boyfriend/ESPN bullshit....so just don't say anything to me when I talk about my friends the MANZO'S or anyone else.  Nothing chaps my hide more than a reality TV hater....Who says things like chaps my hide, that is ridiculous.  (I would say ridic, but I have already been told I am too old for that).

Anyways, if celebrities don't interest you, keep going...You must have gotten lost on your way to church, because you know I don't do Jesus.  So go kick rocks.

Still HATE him

Just a reminder that he is still GUILTY and STILL A JERK. K, thanks.

LOVE HIM

If you haven't watched TOSH.O yet, you're a LOSER. This guy is fucking hilarious and has the worlds best job EVER.

Who wouldnt want to look at stupid people on the internet and comment on them? I do that all day, with no show! No guests, special effects or salary. CHEAP! I guess i run the non-profit version...POOR.O.

Anyways, watch the damn show.

IM BAAAAAAAAAACK BITCHES!

Yeah, IM BACK! I took a sabbatical, but that shit was boring and HELLO, I have WAYYYYY too much to say. This is how I feel after working at my job all day....not pretty is it?

Personal Post

So I have been in a bad mood for some time now. I hate everything. Reality TV is slow and its starting to effect my daily mood. I have nothing to look forward to. So here are the things that are pissing me off:

1. NO GOOD TV SHOWs

2. JOE JACKSON

3. This rat guy that I sit next to...his lunch box is the size of a large tackle box. I didnt know RATS came that bog, but this cheese eating muther f*cker is on my last nerve. Has he never heard of a BRUSH?

4. People who drag their feet....WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT? They cannot possibly weigh that much, no one, not even SHAQ has feet that heavy, that you would need to DRAG them back and forth all day.

5. CHEAP FUCKS, who buy shoes that are like $1.00 and THEY SQUEAK. WHY JESUS WHY? This guy and the foot dragger guy are going to make me go postal SOON. I hate hearing him come this way, I hate seeing him, and I hate his shoes.

6. STUPID PEOPLE...need I say more?

7. RECESSIONS

8. Cholos that wear long shorts and long socks...why not wear pants and call it a day?

9. Beyonce. She just bugs me.

10. Clint Eastwood. Everyone should retire some day.

11. Jon and Kate Plus MEDIA...I am over this stupid show and I still dont like Mady.

And now for the positives in life:

1. Xanax

2. The Little Couple

3. Cake Boss, Amazing Wedding Cakes, and Ace of Cakes...I am one step away froma ctually baking something

4. Run's House. I like normal families.

5. 16 and pregnant...wonderful show, I hope they have a reunion show or an update show, something.

6. ENTOURAGE

7. People on the train that I can make fun of, keep it coming.

8. BALLS THAT YOU CAN ATTACH TO YOUR CAR...I am going to put a pair on my grandpa's car this weekend.

9. My family

10. AVA V!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jeeze, how long...

Is his 15 minutes of fame going to last? JEEZE JON, go take care of your kids and quit porking any blond 22 year old that crosses your bank, I mean path. Like for reals, I LOVE ED HARDY, how come I am not in Cannes kicking it with Christian Audigeir? Whats wrong with me, I don't smoke, nor do i have a mug shot, or 8 kids, or a wife with bad hair. I mean, ok, me and Christian can go get a spray tan together, (or is that real....). Sheesh, WHY HIM! And I LOVE GUCCI, but I don't wear it every day. Come on now.

Khloe and Kourtney

SO, the premiere is a mere weeks away! I cant hardly stand it! I LOVE THEM. Last night when I was on the phone with Rob, we were talking about how proud we are of our sisters. Great job ladies, see you at the after party....

And Kourtney, next time you borrow my bathing suit, a little note would be fine...sheesh is that too much to ask?

DUNZO

Wow, I never saw this coming. Why would grandpa Billy Joel and this little girl ever end a marriage. I mean, why jesus, why? They seemed to have a future together....maybe she didnt like that when they registered for their wedding, it was at their local AARP office. I dont know. Myabe he got tired of picking up her toys...

He and Christie need to not get married anymore, just do the dirty.

BEAUTIFUL

Heidi Klum looks great no matter what she wears or how pregnant she is. I am excited for Project Runway to start. There is nothing like a little Heidi and Tim Gunn!

FAVE SHOW OF EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So my boys are back!!!!!!!! The new season of Entourage started Sunday and I was NOT disappointed! I love, love, love this show!

So, Vince got his license, Turtle is in love with Jamie Lynn, and E is finally going to move out of the FRAT house. I love how he and Sloan have been playing with their relationship for the last few seasons. This is great.

And my favorite person of all time, Ari, back to make Lloyd's life miserable...and I love how he stood up to Ari to get his promotion. This season is going to ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Vince is BACK!

TAINTED

So nothing says YOU RUINED MY MAN, like a little Jennifer Aniston. She is the older version of Paris Hilton. Is there anyone this girl has not boinked? Now I dont like him. What us the appeal???????????

WHAT THE HECK???

Uh, first of all, what was Wesley Snipes doing at MJ's memorial...MJ didn't hang around wife beaters, only little boys, HELLO.

And did anyone tell Wesley that his CRACK ADDICTION is obvious....JeeZe, I can smell the coke on him from here. EAT SOMETHING YOU FREAK. And make a Lifetime movie, if Lindsey Lohan can, anyone can.

FAME WHORE

So I blame all this media crap on JOE JACKSON. He is nothing but a media whore. This man has no scruples (and I generally like people like that, so can you imagine how disgusted I TRULY am?)...he would sell his momma's bones for a buck.

I hope for the sake of the children, they keep this BITCH man away. Go earn your own money you worthless piece of SHIT. (Man, I normally don't get so upset, but just look at his pimp eyebrows...NOT NORMAL PEOPLE).

And I have to give my two cents about the "memorial"...could they NOT have found people that actually MET him, or at least VISITED with him within the last, oh, I don't know, 19 years (Brooke Shields, give me a break, this isn't Lipstick Jungle). I find that to be insulting to him. And yet, proves he was a recluse....I mean, I really loved how Jermaine sang "Smile"...that seemed heartfelt, but maybe he was sad over not riding on his coat tails. AND WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN...Oh wait, I almost forgot about AL SHARPTON...Uh, didn't he SLAM MJ a few years back, and now he is giving TESTIMONY at his EULOGY???? WHAT THE FUCK, what drugs am I NOT on????????

I think the only logical step would be for me to raise the kids....

DEAD

OMG so, I know this is old news, but the King of Pop died....now there are all these stories just DYING to get talked about. LIKE:

1. What the FUCK was he on?????

2. Did he really only weigh 110 pounds....he was skinny

3. Was he bald?

4. Who is Blanket's biological mom?

5. Why did MJ choose a white mans sperm, since he is CLEARLY not the biological father and Debbie Rowe already confirmed that?

6. His mom said that his kids were never around other kids, why?

7. Whats in the will?

8. Why does the mom buy sleeping bags for the kids? That is cheap!

9. Why did the physican take off??????????????????

This is just the beginning of what will be some GOOD DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEST MOVIE EVER

The Hangover was THE BEST MOVIE EVER! I already saw it twice. And yes, I took some kids with me, a 9 year old and a 13 year old, and I don't feel bad about it either! They liked it.

Well, where do I start? This movie had everything...but most importantly, it had BRADLEY COPPER, who is now my new boyfriend. Sorry Beck's, things just werent going anywhere with us. Plus, its hard wth the long distance thing, and your wife was always copying my style, i don't like Identity Thefter's. (SWF). But PHIL was excellent, and I thought his character in Wedding Crashers was good!

Anyways, this movie was the best ever. I have to give two thumbs up to John Lucas and Scott Moore who wrote a phenomonal script. It was everything Vegas should be. Plus a tiger, a chicken, a baby named Carlos, and Mike Tyson!

For those of you that saw it, "You can suck on these chinese nuts"....instant classic. And Alan (Zach Galifianakis) was EXCELLENT! I loved his speech.

*sigh* I love Bradley Cooper

POSH

I just love Posh, she is such a treat. Who says treat, oh I did. Well, that is because she is. A little snack of love.

Anwyays, I love her hair, lover her make up, love her skin, love HER.

EAT WOMAN

Now, I am a big fan of Tori and Dean....I think Liam is a little hard on the yes, but Stella is a beauty. And everyone knows how much i hate that CUNT CANDY. But Tori, momma, you need to eat a little cookie or a cheerio. Jesus, I can see your liver through your body already. Just take a little bit of my King Taco burrito...its PURO CARNE con QUESO FRESCO. You will feel better the moment that red chili hits your tongue and you taste the great flavor of carne asada.....WHOA! Side tracked for a moment, my bad.

Anyways, Tori honey, you are lookin a little scary....and give Dean the coochie a little more often...he may try and find it somewhere else...HELLO HOW DO YOU THINK HE GOT YOU!

Dang, your boobers look like two oranges in a plastic bag, that is so gross, I just barfed in my mouth. Chips and Vitamin water and ding dongs are not good the second time around.

PREGGERS

Awe, I like Kendra's new show, and I like her new (age appropriate) man. He looks like a nice guy. And she is 12 weeks along...well, I suggest a Nanny ASAP, because Kendra is a PIG. Looks like my daughters room, the little swine.

Regardless, having that baby just ensured her another couple of season, because everyone is going to want to see JUST HOW BIG HER BOOBIES ARE GONNA GET!

HATE HER ALERT!!!!!!!!!

OMG, I am so SICK of KATE!!!! She is a stupid face, with stupid hair, and stupid twins (I'm talking about you Mady, you are an asshole). Anyways, I wish this bitch would lose her bad attitude, and get a real haircut. And why all of a sudden are you dressing all sexy, with bikinis and lipstick?????????? Hello, you are still D list celebrity, what the heck? And I think she is boning the body guard, because why else would you hire an old man? He doesn't look like he could run fast or push people around...but what do I know, my bodyguard is my dog, and he is afraid of everything and everyone. He is a gay man living in a dog's body, my poor precious sweetheart.

Back to Kate...this snatch, yes, I said SNATCH, needs to lay off the 1980's hair styles and get with the program....she is a sour puss....a total downer...I bet her and John haven't had sex in years, and even when they did, I am sure she told him he did it wrong. And OF COURSE I can judge you, you are on TLC.

Family Picture

This is me and my family at the Dodger game. Thats me TAKING the picture. Aren't we cute? I love this picture of us...it hangs inmy cube and reminds me of the Dodger dogs Kris bought us, and that funny thing Khloe said...Oh, and did I mention I changed my name? Its now Karly...or was it Kellie...or Karina...

Photoshop alert!

Dang, Cameron Diaz is tore up from the floor up! Yikes, Photoshop is the new Jesus.

DANG

So even though the Cheetah girl and Rob (my brother) Kardashian broke up, she STILL got the Kardashian look going on...hello, little Kim...a ha ha ha not Lil' Kim...the rapper.

Still, I like the look. Boobs and Bangs, thats the look to have. I am going to copy it.

Ovah

Its over. You know, I could have told her this would happen. HE is sooooo deep, no one is ever going to connect with him. He lives for being unreachable. Classic syndrome. No one will ever "get" him. He will suffer for his art. His performances are built on his suffering....he needs to feel the pain.

Or maybe that's just me.

What if him and Madonna get back together. THAT WOULD BE SOME GREAT SHIT!

Felicidades!

Salma and Gucci got married again, and this time she wore a lovely dress. They look so happy. Man, if I was marrying Louie Vuitton, I would SHIT happiness. This is a nice picture of them. If I didnt like her so much I would hate her. But she looks truly happy, so I won't be a hater...TODAY.

And I read that at the reception (which I bet had great gift bags, come one Salma, throw a girl a LV bag), she changed into a fuschia dress....LOVE IT.